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The Good Grief Center, Pittsburgh

2009-12-22T13:58:00Z

Grief support during the holidays

The Good Grief Center, Pittsburgh

One of the joys of calling Pittsburgh home is that we do not lack for support when it’s needed.
During the holidays, bereavement can be especially tough.
You may wish to contact The Good Grief Center, based in Pittsburgh, for assistance.

The Center creates a safe place where people who have experienced the pain of death can work through their loss and learn to manage their grief. Its free services include peer support, group support and family bereavement programs. Since 2001, the Center has assisted more than 20,000 people with these programs.

Monthly support groups, including one for daughters who have lost mothers,
meet at 2717 Murray Ave., Squirrel Hill.

The Center also offers fee-based programs that include gifts for people who are grieving; Compassionate Connections, a program that helps funeral homes, hospitals, hospices, long-term care facilities and medical practitioners who come into contact with newly bereaved families; and the Grief in the Workplace program, designed to strengthen workplace stability by educating employees about ways to cope with their grief.

For more information visit www.goodgriefcenter.com or call 412.224.4700.
The toll free number is 1-888.474.3388.

Meanwhile, executive director Lulu Orr of the Good Grief Center offers these tips to help at the holidays:

Don’t overchedule yourself. Grieving is hard work. Give yourself space during the holidays, whether you are grieving a recent loss or one that is not considered by others to be recent. Care for yourself with vigilance and don't overcommit your time.

Talk it out with family and friends. Communicate with your family and friends about how you are feeling. If an event or activity seems like it will be too much to bear, say so. If you need to try something different or avoid a tradition altogether this year, speak up. You do have choices and those who care about you will support your feelings.

Go easy on yourself. Allow time to grieve and don’t put a timeline on the process. We need to remind ourselves that the healing process cannot be rushed; it will proceed at its own rate. The holiday season will most likely evoke emotions that are more intense than others. Being prepared for that possibility will help.

Try making a journal. If you are feeling particularly down, consider writing a letter or journal entry to your loved one. Say what you would tell her as if she were here right now. Even if you never share the letter with anyone, writing it may help you work through your grief.

Eat and sleep well. Exercise without pressure. Grief work is exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally. Take care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating nourishing food, and giving yourself breaks from your grief work. Exercise in a way that is relaxing for you.

If it helps you, pray. If you have any religious inclination, consider contacting your place of worship. All religions recognize that those who are mourning need support and may be of assistance in lending encouragement. Consider taking advantage of religious services even if you have not been attending regularly. You will not be turned away.

If you are comfortable, share your pain with others. Consider seeking out others who are mourning. The Good Grief Center has a number of bereavement support groups onsite and a comprehensive listing of support groups throughout the region. Give us a call and we can help find one that’s right for you. These groups provide a safe setting and compassionate support. Many individuals find comfort sharing in a group setting.

Be open minded. If you feel stuck in your mourning process, try a new approach. Humans are creatures of habit who learn very quickly how to avoid painful situations. However, this can hinder working through your grief. To “jump start” the process, consider reviewing photos, home movies, or videos. Talk about your loved one, if you can.

Create your own memorial service. Celebrate the accomplishments and values your loved one cherished. Consider carrying the torch of a cause she believed in as a memorial. Start a scholarship fund, plant a garden, or make a donation in her name to her favorite charity.

Be patient. The grieving process often includes setbacks. Don’t expect to set an “I’ll be over it” deadline and succeed. The goal is NOT to ‘get over’‘ but to ‘get through’ – you will get through this! Holidays trigger a flood of emotions. Don’t be surprised by this and don't consider it a sign of weakness.

Ethel Marx Schauer

2009-10-18T18:38:00Z

Ethel Marx Schauer
April 1, 1917-Sept. 12, 2005

Ethel Marx Schauer was among that generation to whom work was second nature. Born in Butler, Pa., on April 1, 1917, she married at age 17 and had her first child at 18 and her last, her fifth, at 35.

Wrapped around the raising of those four girls and a boy was a lifetime of toil, rarely carried out with complaint. In fact, Mrs. Schauer was known for her sense of humor. For years she clipped cartoons -- one-panel jokes were her favorite -- that sent her into roars of laughter, and put them in scrapbooks to laugh at again, or mailed them to people she knew would also enjoy them.

Her lightheartedness may have been compartmentalization, as well as her nature. Her husband, Willard, was a lifelong police officer, serving in the state police and heading a local police department, a job that took her family from place to place early in their marriage and more than likely offered many a story that was not funny at all.

At about 5 feet 4 inches tall, she did not make an impression in a room because of her height, but her beauty was well known. Her blonde hair was always coiffed, her clothes, while not always wildly fashionable, were polished: She never left the house without her makeup on, and often wore heels and bright white shirts that set off her hair. Even into her 80s she appeared much younger than she was, her complexion staying pink.

Her grandchildren, who totaled 14 by the time she died at age 88, in September 2005, could count on her for wisdom. She dispensed it in gentle doses and at moments that resonated in memory for years: "Sheets are conductors of heat," she would say, in tucking in her grandchildren when they stayed over, a phrase they didn't understand, except that it was cozy sleeping on her screened back porch.

"You can find music in anything," she once said, pointing out the rhythmic slap, slap, slap of windshield wipers to her granddaughter while they were driving in the car on a rainy day.

Until well into her 70s, she threw a party each Fourth of July, which was also Dormont Day, in her duplex. She cooked and baked for days to make sure all of her family members were well-fed. She used an electric stove, no mean feat in her tiny kitchen, juggling pots and pans among the always-on burners, never scorching a thing.

She hung her laundry in the basement, and recycled most things plastic long before it was hip. She subscribed to "Prevention" and knew the value of supplements, and the "National Enquirer" was her guilty pleasure. When in her 70s, Mrs. Schauer took a trip to California, a lifelong dream, and her vivacious personality caught producers' eyes and she appeared on "The Price is Right," running up on the stage to hug host Bob Barker.

She played the organ; a nightly card game of 500 with her husband at the dining room table; worked as a sales clerk, a real estate agent, even a private investigator. Mrs. Schauer was proud of her time as a member of the now-defunct South Hills Women's Club, of which she served a term as president., and her involvement in several police auxiliary associations.

She buried two children, her eldest daughter at age 61, and her only son, at age 51. Two weeks later her husband died. Mrs. Schauer lived for four years after that. She maintained vitality, as much as anyone in their mid-80s, but her heart, long given over to her family, was never quite whole again.

Ethel Marx Schauer was my grandmother.

-- Margi Shrum

Welcome

2009-09-08T15:43:18Z

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